Smol tok nomo |
Smol tok nomo |
It was a rainy night in March and we were headed home from the Light For the Lost banquet in Kansas City. About 20 minutes into the trip we realized we were headed in the wrong direction and started pulling out electronic devices to help get us back on the right path. Whilst turning here and there with stress on the rise, both girls were screaming “I want some water!” Not juice, not Coke but water and Mama knew this meant true thirst for her babies. Yes, Daddies are the leaders, but there comes that point (you men know it) where “Mama” says it is time to stop and get her babies some water and you know not to mess with Mama bear - I had reached that point. The problem was we were in Kansas City at 11:00 p.m. on the “bad” side of town. I grew up in Arlington Texas and in all honesty should probably fear some areas more than I do, yet somehow never developed it. People are people and I played outside with all the other kids who lived at “Shadow Brook” apartments and I survived. When Nate mentions where we are I gently suggest the kids have waited long enough for a drink and we pull off for the Conoco next to the liquor store The homeless man in front try and lay in a restful position near the pay phone - its funny it just now strikes me that that was the first pay phone I have seen in a while - I was too distracted by the painful look on his face to notice it then. Now I am no stranger to the homeless, when I lived in the parsonage with my Grandparents we had a homeless man named Jesse who lived in the back of our property. I will never forget the time my Grandpa, a preacher who paid his way through bible school as a Barber, tried to give Jesse a haircut. Living in Arlington seeing homeless was a daily part of life and yet I felt myself so drawn to this man in front of Conoco in an unexplainable way. You are going to think Im crazy in 5,4,3,2,1, …and here it goes, I loved him. Yes, I felt deep love for this man. Ole Mama bear wanted to go and hold him, rock him and say “there is hope friend.” I caught several glances coming into the store in my crisp white church skirt, green sweater and floral scarf - it didn’t take a genius to figure out I didn’t belong in this part of town. I grabbed my water got into line and noticed the homeless man enter with that same pained look on his face. There it was again that groaning in my heart that overwhelming desire to tell him “there is hope” and I am not gonna lie if it had been the least bit acceptable behavior I would have taken this long haired filthy man and held him as a Mother would. Before you judge this, realize something, the Holy Spirit was on me so strong I could feel the presence of Jesus in a way that couldn’t be denied. God had shown up and I was a vessel. It was Christ in me that loved this man. He was getting me out of my comfort zone as I had just came from a banquet about “light for the lost” here was the lost and I had the light and was almost drawn like a magnet to shine it on this man. Sometimes you want to reach out to someone, but it seems hard, then there are times when God wants to use you and it would be so hard to even try and walk away because you know - you just know. The homeless man had some milk and I realized the man behind me in line was buying it for him, however, I insisted - but it wasn’t enough, it just wasn’t. I went back to the car and watched Nathan head inside in his dress pants and nice shirt as he passed the man I caught that look again, so much pain in his face. I watched from a distance and begin to pray as he sat there under that pay phone. I wondered if he was hungry and when Nathan got back in the car old Mama bear let him know she needed to take food to this man. I went back to see what he wanted to eat and it was obvious he was confused, unable to connect his words, probably still too high to function. I watched as many passed him by just “dead weight” on a self seeking society. I wanted to cry out! I wanted to scream! This was somebody’s brother, this was somebody’s son, God was letting me feel this love for him, this supernatural burden was so heavy! With not many places open that late, we ended up at Mcdonalds to buy him food. Normally, we would order off the dollar menu as I am sure a lot of missionaries do, but it just didn’t feel right. The thought in my head was “not for Jesus’ guest” one would get Jesus’ guest only the best. I am not fooling myself I know it was no steak dinner but I asked for the best burger they had knowing it wasn’t enough for this man God loved so much. When I returned he seemed to be still in his shell of pain, unaware of those around him - maybe his way of coping. As I handed him the burger I got close to him unafraid and unashamed I told him Jesus loved him and died for him. With tear filled eyes and so much conviction in my voice I told him God knew - God knew exactly where He was right now and God cared. As soon as I begin to speak of Christ it was as if he got very still and as they say “his ears perked up” I got the distinct impression he knew exactly who Christ was. When we left it still didn’t feel like enough. I wish I would have prayed, stayed longer, loved him as a Mother would do, but I know God was leading and knew what was to be said. Just think God loved him enough to get someone lost, send them to the bad part of town and let them feel just a small piece of the heaviness of His love for him. " I hope we all find ourselves in the near future in “the bad part of town” loving on "the least of these" - the forgotten ones."
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This is probably going to be a long blog post that could really be completely summed up in one word, “character.” I promise I won’t be the least bit disappointed if my daughters are not popular, pretty or talented, but if they are unkind, lack integrity and ever find themselves pushing someone else down to make themselves look better - that would disappoint. Am I setting my expectations too high for them? Not really, these are actually God’s expectations not mine. Lets see, be kind, gentle, place others before ourselves - yep all in the Bible - come to think of it I doubt the Proverbs 31 woman was trained in the fine art of manipulation and competition either (ouch). When you think of the word “confident” what do you see? Perhaps the leader of the pack? You know the girl, hair blowing in the wind all the guys want to date her and all the girls want to be her. She is surrounded by her fans spending exhausting hours willing to sacrifice character (there’s that word again) or anything else to obtain status. Sadly, behind the scenes this is also the girl who in reality is full of insecurity feeling the constant threat of any possible match to steal her position assuming others are as willing as she to play all the games necessary to be her. Exhausting! She grows up never truly “growing up” grooming and preparing her daughters to take her place in this “girl pack” thus beginning the vicious cycle in a new generation. The Bible talks about a whole different kind of confidence. It talks about a confidence in the elders who train you in God’s ways, and it talks about a confidence that is godly, being confident of who you are in Christ. Like so many other things the enemy has a counterfeit for confidence. We think we see confidence in following the road to popularity, but this was never Gods intention for us. He never wanted girls being raised with the pressure to look a certain way, or to be willing to sacrifice their tender conscience and hurt others for their personal gain. Love truly does conquer all and a young lady of character is rare, beautiful and she is the one that will no doubt some day become that proverbs 31 woman whose “price is far above rubies.” No doubt my daughters will be beautiful, but I hope they know that is not what is important - character is. I hope they are strong enough to be friendly to the girl every one else is making fun of knowing she is more likely to need a friend than “the pack.” I hope they are brave enough to stand up for their own ideas and know it is ok to be happy and do what you love even if it isn’t what’s popular at the time. As a Mother, I do hope others like them but never at the high cost of character. I know God sees my heart so I pray he places in my path lots of other Mothers that share my heart. I know the possibility and the beauty of life long friendships with strong woman of character because God has graciously blessed me with many! I want my daughters to experience those pressure free friendships that are a life time of building one another up and being there for each other. Finally, one day when boys start looking for their wives I want to weed out all those looking for “the world’s confident girl” and I want only those boys looking for "the girl who is confident in Christ.” I want those boys to find my daughters being loving, frugal and kind women of true confidence. This is how I choose to raise my daughters... Tonight in our service God reminded me once again of His faithfulness as I shared a story about our last 6 months in Vanuatu. I was pregnant and early on we thought we lost the baby. It was a devastating time for us and with the limited hospital we felt alone and helpless facing the unknown. Little did we know several months before we were to face this Brandon and Vicki Forrester (who had spent time in Hope Clinic working as a Nurse Practitioner) were planning to return for a visit to their village. They would be passing our way exactly when we needed them! They faced a typhoon (weaker version of a cyclone/hurricane) to come out to our little jungle home and be with us at this lonely, horrible time. God provided both medical help and a friend when we needed it most. This was our first service since Cyclone Pam ripped through Vanuatu leaving no island untouched and many islands absolutely devastated. The only way I could describe my feelings is to say “heart broken.” At the end of the service we sang “Amazing Grace” God brought the scripture to my mind that “He is no respecter of persons” the same grace that was there through my much smaller trial would be available to the people of Vanuatu in this, their time of need. I wept as God begin to heal my hurting heart, even in the midst of all of this, knowing God loves Vanuatu even more than I. I can’t explain every trial we face. I won’t even begin to try and wrap my head around the “whys” of this tragedy, but I do know God’s grace can carry us through the storms in life - even this current storm Vanuatu is facing. On March 12th and 13th as I watched helplessly as my beloved Vanuatu was being under such a vicious attack the scripture I could not get away from was Esther 4:14 “and who knows but that you have come into the kingdom for such a time as this.” This scripture played over and over in my mind and was later confirmed as a fellow missionary shared the exact scripture with the Vanuatu team. I know God has been preparing us and has perfect timing for our return. We still need to raise our monthly pledges before we will be allowed to return full time. For the first time I am sharing our giving link on this blog. I ask that you not just look on compassionately, but put action to your compassion and help us return quickly. I recently heard a quote, “No person can do everything, but every person can do something.” Even if your something seems too small to you, I assure you from our previous term in Vanuatu a whole lot of “smalls” can get us there. Please consider backing us financially to help us return and minister to Vanuatu. We are desperately longing to be back there right now. Above all, continue to pray for those hurting at this very moment on the other side of the Ocean. Here is our link: Click Here To Set Up a Monthly Pledge to Help Us Get There Soon. Ever find yourself in the middle? It can feel something like your a child going between two friends, “Tommy said you hurt him” to which Jimmy replies, “tell Tommy he hurt me too” and well you get the picture, being in the middle is no fun. There are a lot of examples of being in the middle but my favorite one is Christ. Christ spent time with the Pharisees (the religious/proud group in his day) and Christ spent time with the sinners, but Christ never belonged to either group. He was in the middle. Perhaps we see his vulnerable side when He says in…Matthew 8:20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He didn’t feel that sense of belonging and I am sure this was His chosen route and not by accident, it takes a lot of courage to hang out in “the middle” In the church today you have an abundance of those who accuse others of too much love, they have things down to a science there are the spoken things you should do and the non spoken things you should just know to do. Then there is a group who in their anxious desire not to be like the former have forgotten to stand for what is right all in the name of love. Then there is “the middle” where you keep your eyes set like a flint on Jesus, try not to let mans opinion sway you, overcoming that natural desire we all have to want to be apart and belong while we walk the sometimes lonely road that is otherwise known as the middle. Proverbs11:1 "A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is His delight." It takes a lot of courage to stand for what is right, and perhaps even more courage to kneel down and offer someone a hand while they are trying to get things right. Jesus is our perfect example of this for He was balanced in every way, the perfect mixture of love and truth. Although sometimes it may seem lonely following the middle I am reminded of a certain prophet in the Bible who thought He was standing alone when God reminded him he still had 7000 middle men. Remember Matthew 7:13-14 13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.There is more than one way to fall off the straight and narrow path, so if you are one of the few middle men remember sometimes it is ok to be a part of the few, besides you are in good company, Jesus is there, right in the middle. Kinda puts that old song “I love that man in the middle” (where they are speaking of Him hanging on the middle cross) in a whole new light. So even when you feel odd or as if you don’t belong remember keeping our eyes on Jesus and pointing others to Him is what it takes to to stay on that narrow path that will someday lead you home… where middle folk finally belong. Ever discover something unpleasant about yourself? Perhaps you have a slight tenancy towards road rage, or maybe you find yourself jealous of the skinny wife or begrudging the organized Mom. Could be something as simple as indulging in that midnight snack. The human race is a habitual people and we woman folk are not exempt. I was in a culture class where we had to rate ourselves and see what areas we fit which types of culture when the subject of “people oriented” verses “task oriented” was first introduced to me. Task oriented people (most of the Western world and the U.S.A.) are goal driven, hard workers who accomplish things. They prize go getters and success! Then there is people oriented (pretty much the rest of the world), they put people over tasks. They prize loyalty, quality time and hospitality. Now don’t get me wrong there is balance in all things and every culture has good and bad points, but lets face it this is probably a point in our culture where we don’t add up biblically. Being task oriented doesn’t necessarily mean you are selfish, buildings must be built, bills must be paid and lawns must be mowed but when we hyper focus on the task at hand and over look others, thats when it becomes an issue. I try to be a good person, really I do, but even though I didn’t know the physiological term I have always known my task oriented tendencies. Every since that day sitting in class I have tried to focus more on people, but it seems I always find myself slipping back into the massive to do lists. The ideas of what it will take to be successful at ... well anything seem daunting and could require every ounce of time and energy if allowed to do so. These are the times I reel it in and say am I seeing tasks again or people? Am I seeing those little faces wanting more soup or am I arranging lunchtime in my head as another mark off the list? Am I open to the three hour phone conversation to a struggling friend or am I too busy with “ministry”… ouch. This is where things get crazy. In the middle of one of the biggest messes of schedules, plans, paper work, housework, grocery shopping, bill paying, appointment making, and conference going I have invited my sister-in-law for home made banana bread and tea! Yes this means I am up at nearly one a.m. waiting for the banana bread to bake while writing a blog. No I probably won’t knock off all those things I feel must be accomplished, but sometimes you need a "stop and smell the roses moment." Sometimes you need a "stop and see people not tasks moment." Tomorrow I shall have tea, and all that work will wait while I invest some time in being a friend not for the task to be accomplished but for the person to feel loved. Jennifer |
AuthorWife, Mother, Missionary, Teacher, Friend ... just a few of the many titles I gladly wear. Never dreamed this is the journey God would take me on. Archives
July 2022
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