Smol tok nomo |
Smol tok nomo |
Here are a few of my own thoughts on the subject, other missionaries may add or take from this personal list.
We start a new life wherever we serve. It is not just preaching, teaching and ministry, we strive to follow Jesus example and have meaningful relationships with whomever He brings on to our path. This often includes nationals, ex-pats, and if we can find any - Americans. We are entering community, having people over to laugh with (sometimes cry with), or we become Uncles and Aunts to other's children (praying they also help fill the void for our own children). That include birthday parties, weddings, special occasions and remembering and trying to afford gifts for both those in our home country as well as those in our new life abroad. We are not the same when we come home In many places we see death, we see hunger, we see poverty and we see crises in ways we have never dreamed in the U.S. Many missionaries are dealing with a little PTSD when they come home and don't even realise how bad they needed to step out of an overload of feeling the weight of these very real needs. A few weeks missions trip is not the same as building a life without escape in the middle of poverty and natural disasters. When close friends die from things easily treated in the West or you can't feed everyone who is hungry (not just random faces but people you know by name and spend time with regularly) that is hard, and it changes you. We need you to understand it is hard for us to think the same or be the same after these things. This is a good thing too. Through all the stuff we face and go through we often grow, a lot! If you are expecting us to come home the way you sent us with all the experiences we go through, we will disappoint you and we know it. We can never be the same people we were, chances are you are growing too its just not as noticeable when everyone can see it day to day so with years apart we will seem very different to you. The best and most loving thing you can do for us is not to put us in the box of who we used to be, but make room for who we actually are now - accept who we have become and understand many of us have probably been through some major trauma. We often feel we are disappointing everyone we are in a relationship with Imagine trying to live three lives at the same time. Our 12 to 18 months in the US is not time off, we have major budgets to raise and we need to be in relationship with Pastors and churches all across the nation to do this, then we have all of our family and friends who we have missed for so long, and finally we are giving our lives for a people across the seas, we have to work hard with many communication challenges to protect the relationships with the nationals where we serve. Spreading ourselves across these three groups can make us feel we are not meeting the expectations for any of them. (Sidenote: for us we have recently had four groups as we have served in Saipan awaiting open borders in Vanuatu) We are some of the loneliest people you will meet. That spreading ourselves thin part? It leaves us a little incomplete as well. We never fully belong anywhere, we can never just settle in to a place, we struggle to hold on to authenticity while living in two completely different cultures and never fully belonging to either. We are like some weird hybrid and can never just be normal anywhere without our "other nationality" showing up to make sure and set us apart. We try to fit, but between the walls we unconsciously build and the walls those around us who know we will not stay long unconsciously build, we never belong. This loneliness is expounded by the limited amount of people who have shared or can fully understand this unique dynamic. We want to hear from you. You are missing us from your lives, but we are missing literally everyone of our extended family and friends from ours. When you call or message it does so many things for us like telling us we are not forgotten (that is a great feeling!). Just because God called us away from our home, doesn't mean we don't want to maintain as close a relationship as we can with everyone, it is a tremendous amount of pressure to try and maintain all the relationship in our culture of service, and all the relationships back home so when others reach for us when it might be easier just to let us go, it means a lot and doesn't put it all on us. A group of people missing one and each occasionally reaching for them is so much easier than one person missing an entire group and trying to reach for all of them while also living another life. So friends, family, churches, we LOVE to hear from you and connect with you! We understand more than you think. We know we aren't the easiest people to be in a relationship with, we are living these lives so we know how crazy they are! We get that your lives go on, we are happy for that and wouldn't have it any other way! We know you are busy, and sometimes it is just easier not to deal with the hard emotions of missing people. We love everyone and though we are sad when relationships can't be the same, we know we are the ones who chose to answer the call for this crazy life! Wherever we are we are always missing someone and not everyone chooses to live this way, we have lots of grace, but we are always here ready to pick up wherever we left off with you. In a world of technology we are a phone call (sometimes in the middle of the night with different time zones) away! For us the greatest gift is normal. When people brag a lot or make a big deal out of us it can be really awkward. First of all we know ourselves and that we are not that special, only following God's plan for us just as many of you. Accepting who we are (or who we have become) without boxes and allowing us to join in and be a part of something "normal" is a really great gift. We wont be exactly like those around you because, remember we are trying to maintain those three different lives I mentioned earlier all at the same time, but allowing us to take part in stuff and making room (we are busy people so we don't take up that much) for us to really be a part of your life is just huge. Give us grace. The years we are overseas we are ever studying our culture there and current events around us, the year/years we are home we are literally trying to spread years worth of missed time across so many, we will disappoint you. Sometimes it is deeper than what meets the eye, we are home now so we can process all of the previous mentioned trauma and heal just in time for the next term. Chances are we love you and when we come home we are different, and you process us being different, but so is everyone we left behind! Our minds are in overdrive to figure out everyone that should be familiar but isn't everything that has changed in the American church or politics, and often, meeting our newly changed selves for the first time in America, a place that should feel familiar, but doesn't. Finally, we love you. Friends from every place we have lived, the churches and pastors who send us, the national friends we work along side in ministry, we love all of you. We can only think of how beautiful heaven will be with all of us in our glorified bodies and understanding, where time and culture does not limit us, but we know unity like never before as we worship our Saviour together. Wont that be wonderful? Looking forward to eternity with all of you!
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AuthorWife, Mother, Missionary, Teacher, Friend ... just a few of the many titles I gladly wear. Never dreamed this is the journey God would take me on. Archives
July 2022
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