Smol tok nomo |
Smol tok nomo |
For years I had fashioned myself for ministry. With much dedication I strove for a prayer life that would prepare me for whatever task God might someday have me do. For years I didn’t know the call, but I felt deep in my heart it would be difficult, would require dedication and sacrifice - and I readily accepted the challenge. So why after marriage did I let it slip through my fingers?
Why wasn’t it enough? When I thought God had some daunting task for me to do I wanted to be ready. I had my war paint on and wasn’t about to let it all go so why now after a few years of marriage and the everyday mundane was my once fervent prayer life reduced to mere maintenance Christianity? I must wash the dishes and if that bathroom doesn’t get cleaned today I am pretty sure the bacteria will take up permanent residence. My eldest is running fever and my youngest is just running with something I am not sure what she has just picked up off the ground and is wanting to eat before I can take it away. I have newsletters to mail, phone calls to make and I am pretty sure this is not the same path Spurgeon walked on his way to winning innumerable souls into the kingdom. Oh I didn’t tell you? I was going to be the female Spurgeon, so now you know. Somehow in all the confusion and changes of life, I began to settle for a “less than” mentality. My husband was the spiritual leader of my home he was designed to be the priest of this house and let me tell you I know all his short comings and occasionally I would hint ( I am anything but subtle so by hint I mean advise pointedly) the areas that HE could shape up for the greater good of the spirituality of our home. I am ashamed to admit it but deep in the corners of my heart I blamed him for my own lack of commitment to prayer. He wasn’t setting the atmosphere, he wasn’t taking the lead, excuse after excuse unable to see how much I was lacking. Until one day the realization rose up like a lump in my throat. When I thought I was going to win millions I was dedicated and ready to be a world changer, but here in the roles of wife and mother I was not willing to give my best. This is not easy to share. Sometimes we get a glimce of our true self that is ugly and we want to look away and the last thing we want is for others to see that same lack we notice. So there I was completely transparent before the God I so wanted to please realizing that it was in fact “I” who was failing. I begin to see a truer picture, what if my husband had the wife He deserved? What if I took the roles that God had given me as a wife and a mother and looked at them as the holy consecrated positions that they are just as if God had given me the job of Spurgeon? Finally, should God open the doors for me to reach numerous lost souls if I am not being faithful to bring what He and I know my best would be where He has me, how am I in a life of mediocrity to win them? So this is my challenge from the Holy Spirit, to put my war paint on and go to war daily on my knees. To fight for souls from my prayer closet even if I never see the fruit of my labor. To stop trying to be my husbands spiritual police and focus on giving my best, knowing that he is giving his best. To realize God developed me up to this moment for a purpose and if I fail in this season of my life the consequence is not one I want to bare. A wise man (my husband) once told me, "it is often not in the valleys or the high mountains but in the plains of everyday life that we have to be guarded the most." I am still not all that I want to be, but the important thing is I realize what I lack and where to go to get an abundant supply. I am so thankful that my heavenly Father loves me enough to show me where I err and gently lead me in the right direction. Just maybe that difficult sacrifice I felt Him calling me to was simply to be a Wife/Mother/Person of prayer.
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AuthorWife, Mother, Missionary, Teacher, Friend ... just a few of the many titles I gladly wear. Never dreamed this is the journey God would take me on. Archives
July 2022
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