Smol tok nomo |
Smol tok nomo |
My entire life has revolved around a desperate need to follow Christ. For as long as I can remember I have known I must be in ministry and God has a work for me. So yes, I became obsessed, obsessed with finding and fulfilling the work God had for me. At times it became such an obsession I began to questions motives and even searched my heart often to find am I living for God or for the obsession of His call? I can’t give up on it once I know it is what he has called me to. I don’t listen to the negative voices or people who have opinions on my life (especially concerning a calling). The older I get the more determined I have been… a good word for it would possibly be relentless. This is the preface to explain to you the dramatics of why what I have faced the last few weeks has been severe and a first in my life.
Thoughts have been in my head like “you need a back up plan.” “you need to be ok if this doesn’t pan out” or “last Thursday you didn’t work as hard at it as you should have so now God probably won’t provide because you failed” “who are you to ask someone else to send you to do this work” “the economy in America is bad, maybe you should just let more talented and qualified missionaries go and quit.” Thats right quit. A word not in my vocabulary. Follow me now to what God did for me this morning. God spoke some interesting things in my life as I worshiped in the Sunday morning service. Often worship for me is about finding the balance between not caring what others think, being too embarrassed to worship and making sure my motives are pure and I am not worshipping for anyone’s sake but God. So this morning as I am trying to push out the world and all atmosphere around me to come before my God and say I am here to adore you, I heard Him speak “Except you come as a little child.” I begin to think of how a child doesn’t care about those around him, a child wants so much to please their Father. My heart begin to have specific desire to worship more in times alone and I purposed "God I am going to spend extra time this week in worship to you" and begin to feel real good about my decision and life was great but God wasn’t finished and didn’t stop there. So it goes further - a child has complete faith. Faith in what their Father says. They have not yet experienced life in the harsh way many adults have that leaves room for the fact you may not reach your goals. In life this is true and maybe even a worldly wisdom we acquire. However God is calling us to come like a child. So the more I begin to submit to God as His Spirit called me to trust the more He began to encourage me. The Pastor had the whole church repeat a prayer of recommitment to Christ and I prayed that prayer. With a realization I want to recommit on a daily basis. I commit this day to you, then tomorrow I commit my life again and every day thereafter I will start my day committing it to him. Then the music began to play and the singer sung strong “ Jesus I believe in you and I would go to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the earth for you.” God has not asked me to figure it all out. God has asked me to go and I must keep my heart not only willing to go (which comes easy), but the harder part - willing to trust that He will provide our way. Realizing if I do my part my very best their is grace for mistakes I may make and as the scripture says, “the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.” So today I say “Jesus I believe in you and I will still go to the ends of the earth for you alone are the Son of God and all the world will see you are God.” Yes Lord. These are your hands and these are your feet. Get Jennifer out of the way. I will not worry about the future I have already given it to you.
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AuthorWife, Mother, Missionary, Teacher, Friend ... just a few of the many titles I gladly wear. Never dreamed this is the journey God would take me on. Archives
July 2022
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